Thursday, August 7, 2008

Lost where you belong

(Okay I wrote this a couple of months ago and it was meant for this plotless story that's been in my heart and head for the past 7 years and refuses to unravel itself on to paper fully. Sigh. Okay, read it.)

Everything is a sign.
Every line of a page is a message. Every turn around the corner is an omen. Every name in the paper, every lyric of a song conveys exactly what you want it to be.
The universe is lying to you.
She was free. She wasn’t bound by convention, family, choices or mistakes. Yet she lived in constant fear. Fear that made her tear at the cuticles of her fingers. Fear of fear.She missed someone terribly. It could have been something she missed but a mental checklist revealed that there was nothing substantial or conceivable that she longed for or lacked.
So, it was a nameless, faceless someone for whom she lay in wait, day after day, night after night. The messiah.
As quickly as she recognized this yearning and waiting, she also berated herself for seeking a human being, an individual to fill the space inside her. To bring colour to the white walls around her. Or to open the door.
It was obviously a spiritual need that sought to be fulfilled. Hadn’t she heard this before? People ached for something to fill their loneliness and tried all the material things before they realized God was the answer.
She was spiritual, yes, but in a quiet way, unlike her religious (especially before exams) friends and also the atheist ones. She recognized her need for God and communicated with him in the way she wrote in her diary-sporadic, but honest and direct. But she knew that she would never be satisfied until He overwhelmed her in His effulgence and took her back to wherever she came from and away from this confusing spectacle they called reality. But she also couldn’t fathom a life of austerity and meditation (She couldn’t sit cross legged for two minutes and couldn’t stand being away from her clean and big bathroom)
So, she figured, as she waited endlessly, that there must be a reason He put her on this planet with almost everything she wanted. Almost everything…except a clue.

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